walked home against the wind thru snow except the flakes were small and hard like carbonation

there were no sidewalks only deposits of ice marbled soot-gray on which i climbed and stood waiting to cross well above eye level of motorists engaged on very clean painted asphalt and their polite exhausts because there were no curbs to stand at either

very tired then and felt my face was grimacing and tried to affect a neutral expression and fell asleep a little

being so tired feels like many things i tried to describe

thermal noise spreading just behind my forehead in the sinuses there maybe

a bitter taste also felt in my teeth

and the last autumn air of the early cold days which smell like frost and intimate 'extreme weather conditions'

i used to have migraines and the feelings seem similar to the pre-migraine 'aura' except without temporary blindness

it is a tangled sensation and pretty smooth until i try to separate it

finding not just the above but other feelings too, overlaid but cyclic & of incommensurate periods

sifting thru this concentrating on each component feeling in turn

which overdone then overwhelms

and the feeling is a tyrant and the body is a natural disaster like lava streaming thru LA

in that one movie

backing off but i am sifting this when i have the nerve in hopes of finding something in it to 'enjoy'

while still remaining conscious

something maybe curious & traceable

which would bolster my confidence

to be more often sifting thru perception of unavoidable immediate internal processes for something in them to enjoy while still remaining conscious which seems healthy possibly