feeling terrified imagining doing anything

we still do things

just

terrified

feels like we are boring through a snow obscurant but uniformly illuminated — it is luminescent and featureless and a tunnel without our intention opens, summing all our body shaped hollows made passing further directionless past each moment, and this tunnel is inadequately braced and this tunnel threatens collapse and this tunnel has been named and charted

we are okay if i do not turn around, if i do not turn and beat with our fists and cave the passage in

but we are terrified

voices will carry through the tunnel from behind and circle us, they will be well rehearsed for the ink welling in our ears

voices will carry through the tunnel and be irresistible and i will return

but even crawling backwards my shape has changed too much

the tunnel fits poorly and when i pass i will rake the sides and the snow will run

and the tunnel will vanish

uniformly

and heavy with us