the best and strongest positive emotion i remember for you

for feeling for all of you

is a kind of loving concern

in the form of

abject terror

. . .

every night i wanted to wake you up but i was too afraid to wake you up

because before i could shake you by your sides i would have to say your names

and before i could say your names i would have to admit to having learned of all your names

. . .

when i learn the name belonging to a person it seems that

to the contrary

very many features of the person are implied by the name and that actually the name is an intricate machine for producing the person when written

or said

or thought half-consciously

in idle word games

and i worry what will happen to the name when the person

due to death or unsuccessful memories which are like a death but healthy actually

quits existing

many books can be put underneath the name to bolster the name and to exercise at least some among the rudimentary functions of the name

but won't the name eventually seem to produce only these books?

and won't another name which is more recently arrived replace the name

my life reduced to names

and if i lose my names

i am so worried

and then the new name will produce the person

who will have the wide awake eyes

that open

to find me