i think for the sake of having a stimulating & variegated inner life i need to describe precisely & record my feelings / reactions / feelings about reactions as close to having them as possible because otherwise

otherwise when i draw from these moments solely for later reflection i will be distorting the only extant copy, memories are one-time arrangements taken from a high shelf and always without exception always dropped & broken & cheerfully reassembled so that the thing put back is different & maybe cruder

memories are a small animal you accidentally asphyxiated then stuffed and pretended not to have

is that my experience i don't know is it shit

memories are a failure to have described precisely

memories are an amount of time you have left until you are 'fucked'

memories are not a heartbeat, forgetting is active, a preoccupation, and therefore a slight to honest open perception & reaction

gonna gonna gonna what is a blog for